My friends… I am reeling.
Something happened recently that made me really question my trust in friendships, people and my gut instinct. I found out that one of my friends is not exactly who I thought…
I had a moment of pure shock, like a sucker punch to the gut. It made me physically ill. I could not believe this happened. I cannot share the specifics because it is not my story to tell, but it was a horrible experience and I never want to relive that moment again.
Sadly, the moment has replayed in my mind hundreds of times since it happened, and each time I feel the gut wrenching shock and disbelief. And sadness. Sadness for what could have been.
As time passes, little things, actions, situations have raised awareness of unusual events that should have alerted me to integrity of this person. I waver between protection and being truthful. I believe without truth we cannot heal or get help. But the sad part of it, is that the story really shouldn’t come from me. And on the surface, the impact only seems to be affecting me and my life. I see the façade of life returning to normal for this person.
I feel hurt and betrayed. I have confided in this person. I feel sad that I was placed in a situation that could/may have damaged my reputation, and other’s.
I understand that this person is in turmoil… but even in turmoil we hold ourselves to our own standard, and have known since childhood that we are not above the law. The fact that I opened up my life to let this person in alarms me.
I realize that I cannot let one incident impact my life so greatly, but I must say, this situation will cause me to pause, observe and be guarded the next time I think about allowing someone so closely into my life.
As time passes, I find myself getting angrier, so I really need to work on myself to let it go. I need some work too, I admit it.
I can forgive… forgive for my own peace of mind and for the hope that she gets help.
I must close my eyes…
Clear my heart
And Let it go.
I will. I just need a little time. It helps to share it with you my friends… and it helps to have some closure on the situation.
And my incredible present friends, so thankful for true friends.
I have to remember:
For every minute you are angry, you lose 60 seconds of happiness.
Good bye anger, hello happy!